Drawing the Invisible Line
"Let Life race you out beyond your own boundaries over and over again until you are comfortable with watching the map of normal’s edge disappear behind you. Let Life show you that it is safe to exceed your own expectations and reputation and prove that the only danger in following her into the wilderness is a loss of your own fear. This is when we gain the warrior’s heart, the master’s eye, and the student’s mind. After that, Life holds our hand in every adventure and shows us things not possible before." ― Jacob Nordby
A few weeks ago, I was sitting on top of a mountain, perched high above the world, similar to the woman in the picture. Although the climb to the top was a vertical, switchback ascent, the rewards far exceeded my expectation. Majestic views of the expansive ocean, beautiful landscapes far and near graced the top of the world. Bald eagles soared arm lengths away, enticing us with their sheer beauty and their abilities of flight. In appreciation, I offered my apple to the eagles (and to the mountain) as a ‘thank you’ for allowing me to sit in awe within their natural space.
My friend and I took our socks and shoes off to allow our feet to enjoy the fresh mountain air. High above the world. we nestled into our own little pocket close to the mountains edge. The rock hugged our backs, the sparse grass softened our chosen place of rest. As we pulled our lunches out to enjoy this piece of heaven, the sun broke through the clouds and shone upon our faces.
The other visitors that were on the mountain top soon fell away, only to leave my friend and I, the bald eagles, the sunshine, the clear blue sky and the extraordinary views for as far as the eye could see. We had created our own ‘spiritual retreat’, where we sat for five hours conversing about all things great and small, including the need for boundaries.
Boundaries define us, they help to make us who we are. They become our backbone to creating healthy relationships, whether those relationships are with others or with ourselves.
Boundaries aren't always easy to set because we feel we aren't worthy of healthy relationships or we feel guilty for making them. When we have poor boundaries we feel depleted, misused or taken for granted, which then leads us to irritation, anger, impatience and eventually burnout.
We must realize we are all worthy to make healthy boundaries part of our spiritual practice and our daily lives. Once we take the initiative, we invite in more freedom, more time, and more energy into our lives. We can actually begin to enjoy our lives by seeing and experiencing the beauty around us.
The best boundary anyone can make is to start saying "No".
How many times have you said "yes" to please someone? How many times have you kicked yourself for saying "yes" when you didn't want to do something? We keep saying "yes" for fear of letting the other person down, but we let our own selves down in the process.
I've kicked myself so many times, wanting to please other people, that I wore out my shoes. As soon as I agreed to something I didn’t want to do, I felt awful inside. Overtime I began to say “no” to people or situations. The world didn’t end because I had said “no”. In fact, my world became bigger and more vibrant! I gained more self confidence and self esteem in honouring myself.
When I feel the agitation of a situation begin to pick away at me, I immediately check out the perimeters of my boundaries to see if they are strong or if they need adjusting. Henry Cloud once said "You get what you tolerate" which is so true! If we continually allow people to step over our boundaries and not do anything about it, then they will continue to take advantage.
Boundaries are invisible lines that separates you from me and vice versa. They are form of self-care, awareness and self-respect. They allow us to let go of worrying about how other people feel or behave. They create realistic expectations of how we want to be treated.
”Healthy boundaries are not walls. They are gates and fences that allow you to enjoy the beauty of your own garden.” ~ Lydia Hall
